I have done everything in my power to prepare, get educated, manifest, meditate and surrender to the universe and its plan. Little did I know I was in for yet another, more advanced test of learning to surrender. This one rocked my positive spirit pretty hard. I take my health very seriously and I know how to maintain good health, which is one beautiful privilege of working in healthcare and wellness. When I found out I was pregnant, I was happy with a calm home birth, there was no need for medical intervention. I am a healthy, young, medically uncomplicated woman. Boring in fact and I was more than happy with that label. My bloods were great, my health was awesome and I had no reason to interfere with the innate knowledge of the human body’s ability to grow and birth a baby.
Ryan on the other hand wasn’t able to reflect with comfort and trust in the way I could and so encouraged me to assess all our options. In the end after many weeks (16 to be exact) we decided to go privately under an obstetrician who came highly recommended. We happened to also be accepted for our due date which was unusual given I dragged my feet and she was often booked up well in advance. I saw it as a sign as I had already been paying for maternity private health cover. The universe spoke; it all fell in to place very easily. We went to all our appointments and everything was always boring apart from my back pain but then on our 34 week check up bub wasn’t measuring normal. At this point I wasn’t even slightly worried, bub was moving, heart rate was normal, it was probably just because I’m not a big person myself. I went for a scan purely just to pacify the obstetricians concerns and clear any worry. Most of the time bub is just in an unusual position and I’ve seen many times in practice where unnecessary scares are created because the imaging isn’t always that accurate. So I went to the scan and the lady was very good although she was getting repeated, unusual measurements. Bub wasn’t tracking as perfect as he typically had to date. She got a second opinion and same thing. Now I’m thinking “oh so what does this mean?” I guess I won’t be going to work today, more scans to come. By the end of the day it was discussed our best course of action for the health of bub is a scheduled C-section within a few days. So my all above board pregnancy with a full term, natural, vaginal, no drug, hypno-birth labour went so far the other way I honestly couldn’t have predicted it. Seemed so far from where I was and almost like a dream. I had briefly thought of the situation but the reality was unlikely and I consciously tried to not let fear control my manifestations throughout the pregnancy. “I know elected C-sections did happen but only to those women who’d had a complicated pregnancy, right”? My thoughts were once again a whirlwind of how did this happen? “Did I do or miss something?” In the end I quickly came to the realisation that “what is meant to be, will be”, another of my favourite quotes. We were always meant to be under that obstetrician, if not, the outcome of bubs health would have been drastically different in a few days. The universe has once again spoken, the universe has a plan and we as creatures on this earth are merely just playing along. Our innate knowledge, our intuition, if we chose to listen to it is far more powerful that our conscious control. It’s gaining trust in these things that bring peace to the conscious mind.
So less than two days later, we calmly walked into the hospital in what felt like uncharted waters, the calm before the storm. This pregnancy has taken a lot of surrendering and I feel like it has made me almost ready for anything. Do you think that this is just standard parenting? Is this all just a single chapter of my life story, chapter title: Learning to surrender! Now it’s surrendering but with my heart on the outside. Congratulations Shinae, you have graduated.
-Dr. Shinae Brownrigg